Days of our lives.

I thought politely declining you
Will make you step away
But you were again provoking a
Reaction out of me
Deliberately ignoring you couldn’t help
But made matters worse
Even your silhouette made me shudder
With the way things shaped up
I couldn’t do anything sadly
Just awaited till it all
Die down if you forget someday
But you couldn’t forget my carefree zone
Me being wild and tamed at nothing to do with you
It was a way to see the world all in its glory
Befriending risks to make a life out for myself
But I guess belonging to you had demerits
Being a part of you led me down to a territory
Where my named feelings got divorced
I cried myself in fear of the unknown
That sulk down to throttle me by the collar
It grew in heaps until I lost recognition
An affirmation of my shattered state
I no longer cared my whereabouts
Still testimonials of your insignificant presence
And your morbid sense of humor
Continued to rattle me
Gaining a say evoked you
Until I preferred to be bathing stone
Exfoliating expressions
Rumors had it, I lost wit
Eyes claimed me lascivious
Hitting a nerve every time
I appeared rough and ragged
Fathering my flaws with grace
Till death awaited at the door
With a bow!

Artwork by Mahoor Jamal

My instagram for follow @fictionviaizza

Stop now!

“I don’t know what i am feeling right now. I think alot of it had to do with the affect your words had on me. This huge gaping hole in my gut is consistent since we last talked. I thought i was going to rely on you for better or worse but you make me see the reality of my doings, my choices and my behaviour. I think everything has to do with what i do when you see the world around you progessing for more. Your wayward approach threatens me to reconsidera life I have chosen for myself. The lifeless statue of wonderland inside me is craving to be unleashed. I think you arent going to witness it happening when you bring out your own psychologies that get an upperhand. This feeling of disagreement is coherent as a whole ; i don’t think i will be able to give away my freight train of actions. My individuality and actions go simultaneously – hand in hand. Believe it or not.” – Izza Ifzaal

Space between us

 Carrying a hand full of paper towels
And a bucket full of tears
She stepped into road of denial
Lightened in ignorance
Strolling casually towards the edge
Sky painted in burnt fire lights
Alone in the night of dark
She wore grief like a mask of defense
Against the odds that
Kept lurking like her nemesis
Snapping fingers at her ghostly white face
A stranger waved a hand in dismay
Getting her out of brazen thoughts
Sitting beside her like an aristocrat
Wearing heart around his sleeve
For a man who lived in shells
He chatted through the night
Filling in the space between them
Even if he heard “ahems” or “pfft”
His voice continued to carry weight
Of conversations , to help her stay muted
To help her stay adrift, not expecting
Anything in return, but just another stranger
To hear him without judgements
Like those voices from the wall
That nerved and labeled him a mad man
She found her breathing room and he , his own
In the vintage space between them.

Nirvana

The way their words
Kept barreling in
turned him scarier and scarier
One would say it was just
Normal to let others
Guide you but everyone
Failed to understand
What he was going
Through, Words falter
to purify his deceived heart
Silence stays
To an extent that
He himself could go weary
That rough edge of
Nirvana didn’t help matters
Rest, Everyone tried harder
For him to get rid of nirvana
They said it wasn’t real
Life isn’t supposed to
Be considered a nirvana
It’ suppress
you to be
Someone you didn’t want.

 

(Nirvana : an ideal state )

Counting seconds

Those counting seconds
Hanging between us
Awaited the ultimatum
I didn’t know how to
Breach that subject
To not let them
Approach it anymore
Time after time
I saw same faces
Their wicked smiles
and cunning souls
holstered with my
Shards of soul
Always taking away
My freedom in bits
And pieces.
At times they had
Heart liken hammer
Carried weapons
To enslave me
To lead me away
In the savage island
Of rotten tongues
Those counting seconds
In my mind always
Intervened reassuring
Me , casting a spell
over my shunned
Catastrophic heart
To not let any of it
Get in my head
But I couldn’t
Know where else
To confide than in my
Liberating head where
Counting seconds don’t
Last they have ways to chase me
After all.

Minutes alone

 

Smoky clouds ruling the noon
With trees fumbling
Delighted of the rain
Heaven above smiled
Seeing her again there
Amongst the chirping
Where she always come
To mediate
Around the sunless sky
Where comfort comes
In heaps
Letting down her resolve
Air offers shoulders
To breath in & out
To let horrors
Dwindle somewhere else
Until she resurrects
Until she relived again
For a brief hour
To speak her mind
A soft caress of breeze
Is a way to start
Words rolling down her
Tongue like a marshmallow
The blight seems to fade
Until she has to go back
And come back
Again same hour
To invade nature merrily
Stealthy to seek
Minutes alone.

Mind Land

 

I dread my actions. They are insecure and hasty trying desperately to fit in the picture where everything is fine . I am more concerned about my public image. I knew every after few days or months it gets slithered like I am a bad omen. I do things that others find unbearable to fathom. They think I am just not over my childish tantrums. Some even jolt me to make me see that I am hurting others. That’s the part where I get confused. I don’t know how unintentionally you can break others hearts. How you can just nonchalantly give it a no big deal until you are asked. I get wobbled looking at all the faces and their index fingers in my direction accusing me. I see all of them glaring at me in bewilderment, in angst but I can’t seem to stop my brain moving in other direction. I don’t listen to the voices yelling at me for my odd behavior. Instead I swerve – my head still absently nodding to my every grave mistake. Everything does make sense but what about my concentration? It’s diverted.  My windpipe blocking the air to enter my mouth. My unshed tears lay still in my eyes. My glistened eyes look vulnerable. My lips quiver but my tongue is paralyzed. Words are at the threshold only to be taken back. There is nothing I can do to make the noise go away. It’s plunging into my body like an injection. I hover over the clock that still has minutes to strike. Nothing feels alive. I am a corpse wide awake glancing in all the directions to lay in my grave. It’s not that bad until it starts getting. My feisty mood deserves to roam in a den where what is poignant is just air of fan lulling to a slumber.

 

 

 

Cross my heart

 

Once you pestered me
To start a love life
Where I’ll no longer torment you
That mischief in your eyes
Was a dare to make me
Switch your place
To be with someone else
Who will be ready to accept me
I smiled and waved off your joke
Thinking that nothing ever like
You will cross my path
Cross my heart I vowed
Of you
Where sincerity I cherished
You plunged in games
Still daring me to quit
I once did
Just to return to your
Provocative glare
Wobbling my senses
I reassured you
That we were going
To last and we did
Until fate drew us apart.
*

Edge of never

I was not your love.
I was a temporary temptation
A flesh and blood soul
That enticed you
One that kept pushing you
To the edge of never
Maybe I did have a role
To play your keeper
To indulge you in fantasy
Why didn’t I get that part
Where you were going to dust me off?
Like my mere existence was a burden
Maybe those secretive plans
That didn’t count me in
Were an epiphany
To stay away from you
But who could blame
That teeny tiny heart
That harboured a soft spot for you
Who could blame that mind
that was your addict ?
Your hellos &goodbyes
Your out of the way gestures
Those 4am calls
And those eye locks
That send shivers down my spine
Vanished with a thud
Because I was a muse
Now I am just an excuse
You can’t wait to get away from.

Deep, deep down!

Skies everywhere
Different hues dancing on the clouds
Will I see the next dawn
Or will I mourn the current dawn ?
It’s never going to get easier
It’s going to sting
Deep, deep down
But it wouldn’t remain
Scratches rolled off
Peeling away swollen cuts
You’re going to heal
Yes..from afar
I see you hale & hearty
It didn’t take long
To annihilate me
From you
But I am glad it’s over
Before long it wasn’t
Now it is.